Tuesday, February 15

Valentine's Day

I fucking hate Valentines Day. I always feel very depressed when it comes to anything celebrating love between two people. I've only felt love once, and even then- it was a naive and immature love. I want to know the true feeling of love itself, but I feel as if I'm so far from ever having those feelings. My last relationship was no good, and it seems like every time I try to light a fire with someone new, I tend to hesitate and relive the bad times I experienced when I was in love.
Relationships are messy, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be in one. I'm head over heels for someone but it's never easy to determine whether or not he feels the same way. All I can do is hope that I'll find the courage to tell him how I feel without fearing that I'll be turned down. 

Tonight, the two of us were supposed to sit down and have coffee in Downtown. Things didn't go as planned, and I ended up spending an hour by myself at a crowded cafe, observing happy couples in their sickening coyness. I grew tired of being alone, and decided to head home, all the while listening to the tear-jerking acoustic sounds of Jose Gonzales. 


Is this how being single is supposed to feel like? I used to enjoy being by myself. I enjoyed the liberty of not having to impress anyone. After experiencing what it felt like to always have someone dear to me who I could share anything and with whom I was physically and emotionally attached to, I now feel like there's something dreadfully missing in my life. I really need to let go of these feelings and open my eyes to the fact that nothing good ever comes from rushed love. I'm crossing my fingers in hopes that my newfound boy crush turns out to be a good match. He's funny, smart, and attractive- but I have yet to get to know him more, and most importantly- figure out if he's into me too. 

As for the rest of my Valentines evening, I'm going to take off my makeup, slip into some sweats, and absorb endless amounts of chocolate. 


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